i didn't keep count of how may times i've punctured myself that night, but the marks on my arm and tummy slightly scared me the folowing morning.
i felt a mixture of excitement and wanting to pull back the day so i won't have to do my rd that soon. i was just not prepared to die, or get somebody killed by inexpertly administering parenteral medicaton. yeah, it's irrational to fear 1 cc of distilled water in your skin, but i was concerned about the intramuscular administration. the needle didn't look small at all, and i was nervous about my partner getting nervous! if he doesn't get it right the first time, i'd have to go through the damned skin test again, the subcu, and the IM. so that night, aside from trying impress my sister, i took the 10 cc syringe (the only sterile syringe i had left), and rehearsed my rd, only with most of the infecton control left to be suppositions.

it was late afternoon yesterday, when three of my friends failed to remember i was waiting for them to pick me up from my bhauz. for more than an hour, i heard the karaoke singing from the other side of the street, while i sat on the bench by the door. i looked up, and the sun was already leaving the sky. soon it would be dark. a few black birds flew across, and i was compelled to take my pen as the moment took over me.




by adlr

sama sa langgam nga naglupadlupad,
anha naglibot-libot sa kalangitan
maayo sa panlantaw
ug di na mulabaw
sa damgo nga kini makab-ot;

sama niining hapuna
musangpit kadyut,
ug dili magdugay
nahibalo ko nga
mawagtang sa pag-usab
ang gugma
nga ginahinaut kong makaptan
hangtud sa hangtud;

dili matugkad sa panultihon
ang pagkahiubos ko
nga ikaw sama sa kalayo
nga gahatag ug kainit
apan
kanus-a pa man
dili gayud mahimo nga gakson;

ang kasing-kasing kong
napasakitan
magpadayon sa pagpangita
ug ikapuli sa tunghaan
nga
nahawan
sa imong pagbiya;

apan wala ko masayod
kung may makita pa ..